I do philosophy because I want to help people. I see helping people to become enlightened as the most beautiful way that I can help people, and I see philosophy as the most efficient way that I can help people to become enlightened.
I have this overwhelming desire to do this! I realize that this desire is so overwhelming because I feel basically without value. I want to make myself of value by being of immense value to others. I want to do something really massive, because that’s what it would take to make me feel valuable.
I do philosophy because I feel worthless. If I felt like I was worth something, then I wouldn’t feel the need to occupy myself with philosophy. Instead of thinking about philosophy all day, I would just spend all day in samadhi.