Disappointment

Right now I’m frustrated and disappointed with my life, because it’s not as good as I would like it to be. I’m not having as much fun, or doing as much good, as I would like to be having and doing.

I’m trying really hard at the three main things I care about: mysticism, philosophy, and romance. In all of these spheres I’m meeting with a lot of failure. I’m failing at mysticism because I have no idea how to achieve enlightenment. I’m failing at philosophy because other people aren’t convinced that my ideas are true, and I’m not convinced that my ideas are true. And my love life is, and always has been, plagued with complex issues.

I don’t think I’m unique in this regard. I think nearly every person who engages in these activities suffers from these very problems. But the disappointment remains.

I’ve noticed that I tend to set impossibly difficult goals for myself, and then I’m upset when I don’t achieve them. I do this because I expect a lot out of myself, and have high standards for myself.

I do the same thing with other people. I tend to divide people into “worthy” and “not worthy.” I don’t expect anything out of the “not worthy” people, and I expect a lot out of the “worthy” people. Then I’m surprised when the “worthy” people don’t deliver what I expected out of them.

Advertisements
  1. #1 by Al on December 9, 2011 - 5:48 pm

    Regarding Enlightenment, don’t see it as a destination or a goal to be achieved. As soon as you do that you generate an attachment and a subsequent disappointment.

    Attachment just feeds the ego, which has to disappear or at least take a distant back seat if you are going to succeed.

    A wise Buddhist once said that enlightenment is more akin to a series of ‘undoings’.

    ‘Undoing’ refers to your preconceptions, judgements, prejudices, about everythingl. In releasing your attachments you’ll get closer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: